Alright, so I'm going to get real for just a second. And bear in mind, as I sit here typing this post out, my heart is racing. Why? Because that's what anxiety does to people in moments of raw, unfiltered reality. It's scary. But what I have to say needs to be said.
I've seen this quote, and similar ones, circulating Facebook a lot over the last few months. Every time I read them, I scroll past thinking that the person who posted it just doesn't understand. And honestly, that's all it is. A complete misunderstanding of my world. But the thing is, it's not just my world. And so many others who live in a world like mine don't have the strength to stand up and make their voices heard.
Well, I guess it's my turn to be strong. It's my turn to stand up for myself and anyone else who can't. What this post says, may be true for some, but it isn't for everyone. I know. I've been the person who says, "Sorry, I've been so busy," when someone asks when we can hang out. I've been the person who says, "I just don't have time right now," when someone invites me to lunch.
You want the truth? I'm not busy and I have plenty of time. I'm a stay at home mother of 2 rambunctious but ordinarily easy children. We don't have sports or dance or swimming or music lessons (yet). I'm not running my ass off doing errands or cleaning house all day everyday. Most of the time I'm sitting on the couch in my sweats and a hoodie watching my kids play or watch Monster High or PJ Masks, depending on which kid gets control of the remote for the moment.
"People text, call and reply to people they want to talk to."
I can't count how many times I've written out a text only to delete it before I send it because I just know that I'll be an annoyance to whoever it was meant for. I can't count how many times I've let calls go to voicemail because I'm to scared to answer the phone. And I can't count how many messages have gone without reply simply because I don't know how to respond. Does this actually mean I don't want to talk to people? No, it means I'm saving myself a panic attack because my psychological stability is more important than sending a text.
"Never believe anyone who says they're 'too busy'. If they wanted to be around you, they would."
What an awful misconception. A few years ago I found a passage explaining why people with anxiety/depression have a tendency to say, "I've been so busy." It really gripped me because something finally made sense. I've always told people that I'm busy, even if I'm not. I never really understood why. I guess it's been a way to escape from commitment. And it's not that I don't want to spend time with people I love. Most of the time I'm longing for adult conversation and a reason to get out of the house. But when it comes down to it, most of the time, I hold myself back. I want to be around you. I just can't convince myself that it's OK.
The way my brain is wired makes simple things complex. For normal people, leaving the house, answering a phone call, or making one for that matter, are all normal everyday activities that we don't think twice about. They're just done. The amount of energy and convincing it takes to do any of these things puts me in literal pain. So, in most cases, the best way to avoid that, is to just not.
Trying to convince myself that life is good beyond my closed doors and silenced phone is like trying to get a 2 month old to potty train. It's so unrealistic for me. So if you want to believe that just because "I'm busy" it means that I don't want you in my life. That I don't want to talk. That I don't want you around. That you're not important to me. By all means, believe it. But I know that it's not true, and I know that I'm not alone. All I can ask is that you do some research. Just google the effects of anxiety or depression. Because for people who suffer from either of these illnesses, everyday tasks seem impossible. Even keeping in touch with people we care about.
"People make time for who they want to make time for. People text, call and reply to people they want to talk to. Never believe anyone who says they're too busy. If they wanted to be around you, they would."
I've seen this quote, and similar ones, circulating Facebook a lot over the last few months. Every time I read them, I scroll past thinking that the person who posted it just doesn't understand. And honestly, that's all it is. A complete misunderstanding of my world. But the thing is, it's not just my world. And so many others who live in a world like mine don't have the strength to stand up and make their voices heard.
Well, I guess it's my turn to be strong. It's my turn to stand up for myself and anyone else who can't. What this post says, may be true for some, but it isn't for everyone. I know. I've been the person who says, "Sorry, I've been so busy," when someone asks when we can hang out. I've been the person who says, "I just don't have time right now," when someone invites me to lunch.
You want the truth? I'm not busy and I have plenty of time. I'm a stay at home mother of 2 rambunctious but ordinarily easy children. We don't have sports or dance or swimming or music lessons (yet). I'm not running my ass off doing errands or cleaning house all day everyday. Most of the time I'm sitting on the couch in my sweats and a hoodie watching my kids play or watch Monster High or PJ Masks, depending on which kid gets control of the remote for the moment.
"People text, call and reply to people they want to talk to."
I can't count how many times I've written out a text only to delete it before I send it because I just know that I'll be an annoyance to whoever it was meant for. I can't count how many times I've let calls go to voicemail because I'm to scared to answer the phone. And I can't count how many messages have gone without reply simply because I don't know how to respond. Does this actually mean I don't want to talk to people? No, it means I'm saving myself a panic attack because my psychological stability is more important than sending a text.
"Never believe anyone who says they're 'too busy'. If they wanted to be around you, they would."
What an awful misconception. A few years ago I found a passage explaining why people with anxiety/depression have a tendency to say, "I've been so busy." It really gripped me because something finally made sense. I've always told people that I'm busy, even if I'm not. I never really understood why. I guess it's been a way to escape from commitment. And it's not that I don't want to spend time with people I love. Most of the time I'm longing for adult conversation and a reason to get out of the house. But when it comes down to it, most of the time, I hold myself back. I want to be around you. I just can't convince myself that it's OK.
The way my brain is wired makes simple things complex. For normal people, leaving the house, answering a phone call, or making one for that matter, are all normal everyday activities that we don't think twice about. They're just done. The amount of energy and convincing it takes to do any of these things puts me in literal pain. So, in most cases, the best way to avoid that, is to just not.
Trying to convince myself that life is good beyond my closed doors and silenced phone is like trying to get a 2 month old to potty train. It's so unrealistic for me. So if you want to believe that just because "I'm busy" it means that I don't want you in my life. That I don't want to talk. That I don't want you around. That you're not important to me. By all means, believe it. But I know that it's not true, and I know that I'm not alone. All I can ask is that you do some research. Just google the effects of anxiety or depression. Because for people who suffer from either of these illnesses, everyday tasks seem impossible. Even keeping in touch with people we care about.
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