Skip to main content

When to Open Up and When to Shut Up.

I've been battling myself a lot recently. This goes back to the "grey areas" I mentioned in the last post. After some of the things I've been dealing with as of late, I've mostly decided that I'm going to start opening my mouth. You know, express my opinions, concerns, frustrations, etc. I've always been the kind of person to just shut up and deal unless someone really strikes a nerve. However, lately I've found that holding everything in has taken a toll on me. And when someone strikes a nerve, instead of being able to just express whatever I feel the need to express, I blow up. It's really not good. 

My struggle is, I don't know where to draw the line. Or IF I even should draw a line. Should I just open up about everything? Should I only open up about the things that really relate to me (good or bad)? I love the idea of being about to just spill and have a sense of peace that I'm just being myself. I like the idea of having the mindset, "if you don't like me, screw you," essentially. I shouldn't be afraid of being me, right? 

I guess I'm just not really sure who I am. Am I the kind of person who is ok with just saying it like it is and not caring about what anyone thinks? Am I going to be ok with letting people know when they've done something that bothers me? And on the opposite end, am I the kind of person who will be ok to just let things fall through the cracks? 

The truth is, I'm a lover. An overly sensitive one at that. I take everything personally and I take everything to heart. Even if it has nothing to do with me. I don't like knowing that someone doesn't like me. I don't like making people angry, sad, or upset in any way. But I also have gotten to a point where I feel as though I'm being walked on. I feel as though I have to step back and just let things happen, even if I think it's wrong. Am I'm not ok with that either.

In my position, it's really hard to know what to do. There are so many people that can and will be affected by my actions. When is it ok to care more about my well being than everyone else's? Ever? Always? Regardless, I think, in order to preserve whatever sanity I still possess, I have to be real. With myself, with everyone else. I may have to get over the fact that not everyone is going to like me or agree with me. I may have to get over being scared to confront someone when I have something to say. 

I'm not here to impress everyone. I've got my family and that's what matters, right? 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My thoughts..

  Alright, so I'm going to get real for just a second. And bear in mind, as I sit here typing this post out, my heart is racing. Why? Because that's what anxiety does to people in moments of raw, unfiltered reality. It's scary. But what I have to say needs to be said.  "People make time for who they want to make time for. People text, call and reply to people they want to talk to.  Never believe anyone who says they're too busy.  If they wanted to be around you, they would."   I've seen this quote, and similar ones, circulating Facebook a lot over the last few months. Every time I read them, I scroll past thinking that the person who posted it just doesn't understand. And honestly, that's all it is.  A complete misunderstanding of my world.  But the thing is, it's not just my world. And so many others who live in a world like mine don't have the strength to stand up and make their voices heard.    Well, I guess it's my turn to b...
Post a Comment
Read more

Where to begin..

I've come to the conclusion that my life is an ongoing psychological battle. What I mean by "life" is every little thing we all do on a day to day basis, as well as those things that are only done every so often, and everything in between. For most people, it seems, when it comes to right and wrong/good and bad/this or that, there are clear paths to take. Not for me. Everything is a grey area for me.  I'm just going to get real and tell my story. Or a part of it at least. It may take a few posts, but maybe it'll make sense.  I was diagnosed with Depression/Anxiety in August 2010, after a week stay at a mental facility. To be honest, it was long overdue. Looking back on things now, I really should have known and gotten help before. I guess I can say I'm grateful for the way things played out to get me where I am now. It's been a road. A very wide, very dirty, very bumpy road. I've learned a lot about myself over the last 5 years. Things that I never ...
Post a Comment
Read more